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Book review: Courageous Discomfort

Courageous Discomfort: How to Have Important, Brave, Life-Changing Conversations About Race and Racism
Shanterra McBride and Rosalind Wiseman. 2022. Chronicle Books. [ISBN 978-1-79721-526-6. 260 pages, no index. US$24.95 (softcover).]

Hart, G. 2023. Book review: Courageous Discomfort: How to Have Important, Brave, Life-Changing Conversations About Race and Racism. Technical Communication 70(1):106.

Oscar Wilde is credited with the observation that “a gentleman never gives offence unintentionally”. In Courageous Discomfort: How to Have Important, Brave, Life-Changing Conversations About Race and Racism, Shanterra McBride and Rosalind Wiseman implicitly critique Wilde’s notion by reminding us that if we assume the right to offend, we’re ignoring the “gentle” part of “gentleman.” Most people have enough stress in their lives and carry enough wounds that it’s cruel to add to that burden—particularly for those who have suffered a lifetime of discrimination or even outright racism.

Courageous Discomfort follows a simple, effective structure: Each chapter begins with a story that illustrates a particular problem and context, explains “what’s really going on”, and presents key principles for coping (the chapter’s message and purpose). Each chapter clarifies a different aspect of racism and its impacts. The authors end by proposing potential strategies and solutions and key takeaway messages.

Racial issues are a minefield. Microaggressions are ubiquitous and unending; even simple expressions of curiosity like “where are you from?” (the answer is often “right here!”) are problematic because each, individually, seems minor, but taken together, they create considerable cumulative pain (p. 76). If you haven’t experienced that endless friction, its severity may surprise you.

Throughout the book, the authors focus on building empathy, which makes it easier to understand the problems we cause and muster the courage to solve them. When we cause harm, we should seek atonement. Their proposed method resembles the Jewish concept of t’shuvah and the Canadian First Nations concept of restorative justice: confess our error; honestly express regret for what we’ve done, without self-justifying; vow to try not to sin again; and seek a way to make amends. McBride and Wiseman remind us we should do the right thing not to earn a reward or recognition, but rather because it’s the right thing.

Reading this booktakes work: you can’t just read it and walk away. You’ll need the courage to risk making mistakes and a heartfelt desire to do better next time. You’ll be constantly challenged to be better and do better, which is uncomfortable. Some exercises will anger you because they ask you to challenge comfortable assumptions or accept responsibility for good intentions gone astray. But if you read this book and examine your responses honestly, you’ll learn to look beyond yourself and focus on the needs of others. It’s all about preserving the other person’s dignity. If you start there and keep returning to that focus, you may still err, but you’ll be better able to recover from the error.

Although Courageous Discomfort focuses on the Black American experience with implicit and explicit racism, the principles of kindness, respect, and preserving another person’s dignity apply to any difficult conversation, whether it focuses on gender, religion, or culture.